Wednesday Words

I’m a bit new to the world of blogging and Twitter and I occasionally feel as though I’m missing out on the party! But today I kept seeing #WednesdayWords and though I should investigate. It was started by a mummy blogger @crazywithtwins to share quotes, poems, lyrics etc (although I apologise to Emma now if this is quite right)

I like to join in so I thought I’d give it a go.  I love quotes; they can say so succinctly what I’m thinking, make me what to get off my bum and do something or move me to tears. A good friend and I often share inspirational quotes (together with pictures of glasses of wine and chocolate) to give us a lift during those difficult days. So my first WednesdayWords is for her. She has a difficult day to face tomorrow and I wish I was closer to help and support her.

I love this quote, it reminds us that everything that’s happens, good and bad, is what makes us, us. We have both tested the old adage ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ especially over the last year. But through all the tough times she has stayed positive, with a strong resolve to build a great life and it has made her the understanding, thoughtful, kind, generous and lovely person that I’m lucky enough to call my friend

“Everything that happens to us leaves some trace behind; everything contributes imperceptibly to make us what we are” 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What I wish I'd known....

Today marks my first anniversary as a single mum. The day the ex left he took with him his things and the corner stone of my life; everything came crashing down. I knew as he closed the door behind him I was starting on a journey I never thought I would take. I wish I had known then what I know now. I would love to go back to that moment; I would sit myself down with a tissue and a cup of tea and tell myself a few things.

The first steps are the hardest – Packing the first box to leave your old family home, going to a new playgroup for the first time, going on a first date or the first run. But the more first steps you take the easier they become. Don’t let you world become small. Just take a deep breath, smile and step into the unknown you never know when it will take you somewhere great, like to a new friend.

You can do more than you think – Finding a house, making it a home, choosing a School for IK,  dealing with a slugs, managed sleeping problems, tantrums and anger, setting up the computer, running 5K, building bunk beds, starting a blog and dealing with everyday dramas. Give it all a go and surprise yourself

Not everyone will be there for you as you thought – But that’s ok, everyone has there own lives and you won’t be there for everyone either. Be grateful for those people who are. You have an amazing family and some great friends who will help you in hundreds of different ways (and much more than they will ever know.)

Not every question will have an answer – Think carefully before you ask, the answer might not be one you want to hear or there simply may be no answer at all. Not everything will make sense. For your own health and happiness, let some things go.

Not everything is you fault, or his – It takes two to tango as they say. The choice to leave was his but you both could have done more. The important thing is to find a way to get along so you can both continue to be the kind of parents you want for the girls. There will be times to stand your ground and times to compromise. Remember not everything makes sense and some things just aren’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean you are a bad person and you haven’t failed, which leads to my next point.

When the time is right, you will be able to let go – The hardest thing to come to terms with will be the feeling that your life will never be right again. The deep held believe that if you are no longer married to the girl’s dad things are just wrong. As you have been through your first year as a family of three and have enjoyed Christmas, birthday’s and a holiday this feeling will fade and you will realised that your little family it still great, its not what you thought it was going to be but it is amazing. Forgiveness will take time, but it is the key to moving on.

This time next year – You will be stronger, wiser and happier. You will be looking back at the hardest year of your life and realising you have survived it. You will have re built the foundations of your life and provided a stable, loving, happy home for the girls. You will be looking to the challenges of the future with excitement not fear, you will value what you already have with love and gratitude and you will have a true belief that you have the strength to deal with what ever comes next

You will be ok – You are stronger than you know and the bond of your family comes from the love you have for your girls, that can never be broken and neither can you

Sandcastles, Seals and 2p Shovers….. a very British Holiday

So we are home after our first holiday as a family of three and we had a great time. It helps that Norfolk is a very beautiful county, our accommodation was excellent and that the weather was kind with the sun even making an appearance.

Going away with my family is always fun. We aren’t geographically close meaning there are very few occasions when we are all together so having this time away is a rare treat. It was really lovely to see the girls playing with my niece; they are all close in age and play really well together. And even with the chaos that ensues when there are three small girls, I think we all managed to find some time to relax.

We took the obligatory trip to a Seaside town and played on the 2p Shovers, ate fish & Chips and got blown about walking along the sea front.  The highlight of the week was a boat trip to see the seals. IK and I don’t have sea legs but the trip round the bay was calm and seeing the Seals so close was wonderful. It was CJ’s second birthday whilst we were away and the sun came to the beach with us to celebrate. All three girls had a great and very very sandy, time digging, building and rolling around the beach. My dad and brother constructed a fairy princess sandcastle, complete with a working moat and flags which I’m sure they enjoyed doing more than the girls (actually I’m not sure if the girls were allowed to help!) We had a picnic and ice-cream (some of which was eaten, most was dripped down tops and smeared around faces – is there any other way to eat an ice-cream when your little?) It was a lovely day for my littlest lady which we finished off with a chocolate birthday caterpillar.

My family is into food in a big way and we ate…a lot. I dread to think how much weight I have put on in a week, the seafood was amazing, the fish & chips were great and we found some lovely cafes and deli’s to eat in. First job for tomorrow is a run, closely followed by fruit for breakfast and salad for lunch, then off to the gym…. For the next month

Whilst we did have a great holiday, it was hard at times. My family were all very helpful (my dad and brother even looked after the all the girls so my mum, sister-in-law and I could go for a spa treatment) but I am the only single one in the family and it was hard not to feel alone sometime. But we made some amazing memories, and although I’m sure a week, minus the children, in an exotic sunny location would have been less stressful, far more relaxing and involved much more wine, I would take my week with my girls in a slightly colder, sometimes damper Norfolk any day. Seeing their faces watching the seals, or covered in sand and ice cream, or feeding the fish at the sea life centre was priceless. They are the moments that make the heartache, stress, tantrums and tears all worth it. They are the moments I would not miss for anything.

So I am very grateful that I have a family who wants to holiday together, and that we can get on for a week! Our family trips to Norfolk seem to becoming a bi-annual event and the girls and I are very much looking forward to the next one

We are off....nearly

So the girls and I are all set for our first holiday as a family of three, however with another six adults and one child also going we will be far from alone. I also suspect it will be far from peaceful, so today I have enjoyed a very relaxing day.

The girls were collected early by their dad (wearing mis-matched outfits as I had packed all their nice clothes!) and my mum and I went to get our hair and nails done followed by lunch. Very nice! This afternoon I have finished the packing and done the last few jobs (I’m still surprised at how much I can get done when I alone) All very chilled out really

Yesterday was a bit different however! I had piles of clothes in every room in the house that either needed washing, ironing, packing, or putting away, presents to wrap for CJ and a massive list of other “essential” things to gather together to some how be squeezed into my car. Packing for a British holiday always involves taking a bit of everything you own; shorts, sundresses, sun tan lotion and hats have to be packed with jumpers, wellies and waterproofs, travelling light is just not an option. I also had to print out directions, go into town to buy some nappies and mop the floor after CJ fell out with a bowl of weetabix. It’s at moments like this that you can really start to wonder why your even going away!

I’m sure the next week will be lots of fun, the girls are very excited about going away, playing on the beach and spending time with their cousin and I don’t doubt we will all have a great time. But for me it will be hard work. Being a single mum means there is no longer someone to share the load with and the responsibility for everything has to fall to me. We are going with family so we won’t be alone but I’m very conscious not to ask too much, it is after all their holiday as well. So today was my time and the next week will be all about making memories for my little ladies, which is what holidays are all about after all.

Just one of those days

Today has just been one of those days when I wish I had stayed in bed. It started off ok with the girls managing to stay in bed till the sun came up on their gro clock (best invention in the world) but they were tetchy and grumpy with each other, refusing to share the book we were reading in bed resulting in it getting ripped. CJ was hard work to get dressed as she kept running off with her sisters clothes and IK refused to have her hair brushed. So when breakfast ended with a cup of milk on the floor and Coco Pops in the hair I feared for the rest of our day

We had to take a trip into town, CJ needed shoes, I had birthday presents to get, IK wanted to get her dad something for Father’s Day and we had a big list of other random other stuff. Getting out the house was hard work, IK insisted she didn’t need a wee, then CJ needed a poo and wanted to go on the toilet (she is still in nappies but loves to sit on the toilet - potty training when we get back from holiday I think). They wanted drinks, snacks, a teddy, bread to feed the ducks, different shoes and a cardigan. It was colder than I thought so once out the door we were straight back in to change from skirts to leggings. Then IK wanted a wee

Once we were finally on our way IK moaned and lagged behind, complaining of being bored. CJ was tired but refused to go to sleep in her pushchair, instead she kept taking her shoes off and then crying to have them back on. The both kept asking for sweets, a drink, a new doll, a magazine and everything else at their eye level. We nearly walked out the shop with three birthday cards CJ had helped herself to and a very kind woman had to come running after me with the teddy she had thrown overboard. The situation reached breaking point when IK nearly got run over by an old man on a motorised scooter and it took all my self restraint not to swear at him in front of the girls for going so fast on the pavement, in town, when its busy! Even a kitkat and a carton of juice didn’t cheer either of them up, although I was pretty happy to find out they now have 5 fingers, meaning I go an extra one. CJ eventually fell asleep and I broke my own rule about only having one snack before lunch and bought IK some teddy bear crisps for the walk home (which she told me later was the best part of her day)

So, three hours later we eventually fell in the door, laden down with shopping and with IK greatly in need of a wee and I decided we needed to re group. But the bread we were going to have for lunch was mouldy, IK woke CJ up by shouting causing much grumpiness from both and I managed to trap my finger folding up the pushchair. At this point in the day there was only one thing for it; Cinderella. She worked her magic and peace descended over my house. But it was short lived and we had more anguish and tears over dolls, books, bumped noses, bumped knees, the wrong yoghurt and even the wrong coloured towel. So I was a very thankful mummy when bedtime finally arrived.

On days like today I’m just grateful that we all made it through in one piece and that tomorrow is a new day, so we get to do it all again!!

Now pass me the wine, and make it a large one

The countdown is on......

In exactly one week we will be on holiday!  Now normally by this point pre holiday I would in the mist of preparations, most of which would be list making. Lists of things to buy, lists of things to pack, lists of jobs to do before we went, lists of lists!! This year however I have a much more ‘laissez faire’ attitude to the whole thing, so much so that I don’t have a single list.

I’m not complete why I have had this change of attitude. It will be my first holiday without the ex, but we are going ‘on mass’ with the rest of my family, so we will be far from alone. We also aren’t going far which helps. Or it could be that last time we went away CJ was 6 days old so I think if I can do that I can do anything

The holiday has crept up on me a bit and I still have a busy week ahead. Birthday celebrations for my god son, welcoming my brother, sister-in-law and niece home form Papua New Guinea plus having them stay for two nights, a parents meeting at IK’s new school, the hairdressers, a manicure and all the normal nursery, play groups, swimming lesson things all need to be fitted in before I even think about the holiday.

However as the girls and I are often on our travels, I’m quite used to packing us up for trips of various lengths, so I’m not really phased by the prospect of what needs doing. The master plan is just to shove a load of clothes, that could cover every weather eventuality (well we are holidaying in the UK) in a suitcase and hope for the best. Apart from that we will be travelling light this time, well except the bare essentials needed when travelling with two little ladies – pushchair, booster seat, CDs for the car, dolls, teddy bears, books, puzzles, wellies, sandals, raincoats, body warmers, sun tan lotion, first aid kit, calpol, nappies, picnic blanket, cool bag, drink cups……..hmmm maybe there is more stuff than I thought!

I also need to sort out the photos on the camera because I think the memory card is full, it is CJs birthday whilst we are away so I need to wrap her presents, as we are going self catering there is food that needs to be bought and I like to leave the house clean and tidy so that needs to be fitted in. And, despite the fact that I booked it, I’m not 100% sure where it is we are going, so as I will be driving there I really need to get some directions!

OK so there is quite a lot to be done, maybe I should start a list…..

Dating.....it seemed like such a good idea

‘Time heals all’ You would not believe how many time I have been told that, but it is actually true. I have begun to feel as thought my broken heart was on the mend, and after going to the cinema, out to lunch and even the pub alone I thought maybe it was time for someone new in my life. But being a single mum living in a new area my options for getting out and about to meet a potential new chap were some what limited. A very good friend suggested I try on line dating and my first thoughts  were ‘Its so sad’ and ‘I’ll probably be kidnapped my some crazy person’ But apparently 1 in 3 relationships now start on line and my social life of baby groups and mum’s meet ups weren’t likely to have much potential dating wise, so I signed myself up. I filled in the ‘application form’ and the worse bit, wrote a profile! The idea is to sell yourself, so where to start? Singe mum, not currently working, a bit lonely and self esteem knocked after divorce, body in working order but a bit shabby after two babies? Probably not the way to go! So I focused on the more positive, only lied a little bit and wrote a slightly cringe worthy few lines about myself, found a few recent pictures and off I went.

Much to my surprise I actually started to get some messages. There was the 18 year old, the Meatloaf lookalike, the guy who said he was 40, but looked more like 50. There was the one who looked like his picture was taken 10 years ago, the guy who said he only did drugs at the weekend, the ‘chef’ who worked in a kebab shop and the bin man who’s profile said he was an eternal pessimist (quick where do I sign up). There were a fair few who just wanted to find someone to ‘share there life wiv’ (now my spelling isn’t great but come on!) Someone who was looking for ‘discreet’ fun (aka he had a wife or girlfriend or both!) and then, my personal favourite, the one who offered to dress me in rubber and restrain me! (And yes that was an opening message!!). And you simply would not believe the amount of men who like to go to the gym and are looking for someone to treat like a princess!! Yes I received messages alright but pickings seemed slim!

But against the odds I did meet someone, he was what I was looking for, cute, funny, caring and he had an interesting job. He reminded me how lovely it is when you meet someone who you have a genuine connection with, and how much fun a new relationship can be. However, dating is complicated and I’m out of practice! With careers, children and enough emotional baggage between us to keep Heathrow busy, it was not meant to be. It also made me realise how easy it is to get hurt again, once you let you guard down and start to let someone in, you have to trust them. Not easy when you’ve been so hurt in the past.

So there is no ‘Cinderella’ style happy ending to this particular story. But actually that’s ok because I realised I don’t need rescuing. After 9 years in a relationship I’m enjoying time on my own and I’m finally ok with being single. Yes, sometimes it can be lonely, but there are lots of great things about it just being me. I can do things I want to do, make decisions based on what is best for me and the girls and what we want and I never have to watch sport!

So, would I try online dating again, maybe, Am I in a rush to find a new relationship? No. But hey, should a handsome, funny, caring man come into my life and want to take me out for a drink, I’d be ok with that ;)

I did it!!

Today was an important day for me. Today I ran the Cancer Research UK Race for Life. Now yes I know it’s no London Marathon and yes for a lot of people it would be the proverbial walk in the park, but this has been a big thing for me, because up until 6 weeks ago I couldn’t run 5 minutes let alone 5K.

To say I hated exercise would have been an understatement and I have said for a long time that I would like to and need to, get fitter, but I’ve never done anything about it. I know myself well, without a goal I’ve got to achieve I would not (and did not) work very hard. Cancer Research is a great cause and our family, like so many others, has been touched by cancer over the years so I thought no more excuses and I signed up, roping my sister in with me for some moral support.

My Dad has helped me to train and we have been out for a run together three or four times a week for the last six weeks. The first one was dreadful, I think it took me about 40 minutes to run about 3k and most of that was walking. But I stuck with it, and without my Dad with me I know I wouldn’t have done so well. He encouraged me in the way him and mum always have, by allowed me to find my own pace, challenging me to go that bit further than I thought I could and making me feel better when things were tough.

So my lovely sister and I set off round Burghley at 11 am today with 2,998 other woman all wearing pink! My pace was steady to say the least, but she stayed with me, told me I was doing great when I struggled and sprinted with me to the end. It took me 35 minuets to do the 5K course, certainly not as quick as I would have liked, but as I crossed the finish line, being cheered on by my two little ladies, my mum and the hundreds of other people all there to support their family and friends, I felt only happiness that I’d finished (and a bit like a might throw up and or pass out!!)

It has been a great experience for me, we raised a lot of money, I feel less tired and better in myself and the tracksuit bottoms I bought when I started are now too big! But by far and away the best thing has been setting myself a goal and achieving it; now that is an amazing feeling.