Valentines Day…..The Single Mum Way

That day of the year that all single girls hate (whether they will admit it or not) Valentines Day, was upon us again. Loved up couples seem to be everywhere you look and it can be hard to retain your resolve that single life is perfectly ok when it feels as though everyone else around you is part of a happy twosome..

So what are a single girls choices for valentines day? Go out with other single friends, bravely declaring ‘we don’t need men’ whilst downing shots and surreptitiously eyeing up that bloke at the bar who gets better looking with every short of tequila. Or sit at home with the every reliable combination of wine, chocolate & Bridget Jones’ diary. I am not officially too old for shots and as much as I love Bridget, I do just want to tell her to pull herself together. So how does a single mum spend Valentines Day?

Well my day started at 4.30 with CJ coming into my bed, followed closely by the cat. They both quickly fell to sleep, I did not. 6.00  and I hear IK talking to herself and realised we are going to all be up long before the sun appears on the gro clock. 10 minuets later and IK joins us in bed complete with blanket, books, a doll and snotty kisses. And so beings another normal day, apart from a trip to the out of hours doctor with IK meaning by the time I make it to bed I have been awake for a full 24 hours. #exhausted

An important rule for all single people should be Stay Off Facebook. It is full of pictures of flowers, chocolates, sweets, romantic meals that have been cooked and couples tagging each other in gushy status updates. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m truly not bitter or annoyed with anyone who is in a relationship, in fact it is quite the contrary, I am genuinely pleased that so many of my friends are happy, but an entire news feed of slushy updates and pictures of teddies holding hearts is a bit nauseating.

So my rainy valentines day simply involved lots of cuddles with the two people I love most in the world, chocolates (provided by me which meant I got what I wanted and I didn’t have to share them) and lots of giggles with two good, and single, friends. Not about how we don’t need men but randomly about mix tapes and sandwich fillings..

Being single can be tough, but then I also know being in a relationship can be hard work. Its would be easy to get into the ‘grass is greener’ mentality but the truth is it usually isn’t and being with the wrong person can be a very lonely place to be. Plus, there are a lot of things about being single that I like; I don’t have to share my chocolate buttons, I don’t have to watch any sport, or anything on Dave, I am more independent, better(ish) at making decisions and I also believe I am now a better mum..

So, would it have been nice yesterday to have been spoilt by that special someone? Absolutely. Am I sad and lonely? Definitely not, I may be single but I am certainly not alone.  

"I'm back......

…..to let you know, I can really shake ‘em down."

Unfortunately, unlike the lyrics to the song, I still can’t dance, except after a few glasses of wine, when obviously I become awesome. But by popular demand, ok two people casually mentioned it, I am back blogging.

I’ll be completely honest; I have lacked the motivation for anything recently. The changes in our lives with work, school and the girls spending less time with their Dad have taken all of us time to get used to. Life suddenly feels like Groundhog Day. Alarm, bath (shower is broken) girls up, battle getting them dressed and hair done, breakfast, battle over getting teeth cleaned /shoes on / coat on, walk to school battle over walking quicker / holding hands / not stepping in the dog poo. Work. Pick girls up from school. Home, reading, spellings,  battle over how much TV they can watch / who’s turn it is with the light up Cinderella doll / who’s the red monkey is. Cook tea, battle with CJ over getting tea eaten, wash up, bath, bedtime, tackle washing / ironing / tiding, lay face down on the sofa wondering why I’m so tired & stressed. Go to bed and set the alarm. Sound familiar?

Settling in for another night of TV and chocolate buttons, I feel a new guilt and anxiety that I should be using my child free time to better use. Surely I could be doing something productive (because I now seem to think the first 12 hours of my day haven’t been productive enough) I should be working towards providing the girls and I with a better future, because I know no one else will.

I have, however, become very good at convincing myself I don’t have the time / I’m too tired / its ok to just relax after I’ve been working all day together with the old favourites of I’m just not good enough and I’m being totally ridiculous.

But then I was given a little reminder of how to achieve a goal. I dropped and this time completely smashed my phone. Granted this was annoying but it forced to sort out the thousands of pictures and videos that were on there. There were three of CJ leaning crawl, then stand, then walk. Watching them made me think, how is it my child knows the key to success and I don’t. She knows its all about perseverance, getting up when she fell and trying again. I, it seems, have forgotten. As adults how often do we fall, or even just stumble and then sit on our arses and not bother even trying to get up? The even bigger question is what will I regret more, the criticism, the potential failure or not having given it a damn good try?

So this is me, metaphorically, getting off my arse, because if I want to write, I have to, well write. There will undoubtedly be days when the sofa and naff TV will win over doing something more productive, or when what I write may only be good for the bin, but I have two of the best reasons in the world to achieve my goals. So I will keep on getting up, and not just to get more chocolate buttons.